Is It True That Nice Girls Don't Get Rich?

Nice Girls Don't Get Rich author Lois Frankel, Ph.D (a rich woman in more ways than one) says that many of the characteristics that make women uniquely feminine are the very same behaviors that prevent them from becoming financially independent. What does she mean by that?

Women are socialized to be the caretakers and still today more women go into the helping professions than men, which don't pay as well as other professions. Ms. Frankel says she spent "the first half her adult life believing that doing good and doing well were mutually exclusive." 

Take a look at this "nice girl" programming and see what you think:

* Money is power, and most little girls are not taught to be powerful - they're taught to be "nice."

Are girls getting a different message today? I'm not so sure. Women are still called the "B" word when they act assertive, and not just by men. My cousin Kim Kelly, a professional polo player (horses not water) was treated bad by the male polo players, but got little support by women players.  It makes me sad when I hear women putting down other women with comments like: "Women are so catty," or I hate working in an office of "backstabbing" women. I've always expected the best from women and that's what I've experienced.

* Girls are socialized to be caretakers, nurturers and accomodators - not necessarily breadwinners. (But many of us are.) 

It's wonderful to be caring and loving. And, we know that taking care of a family, on top of a job, is exactly what it sounds like - 2 jobs!! One solution I'd like to see is better child care help in terms of subsidies. If we can subsidize big business, what about working women with young children? It will take more women in Congress to accomplish this. Currently America has one of the lowest representations of women (16%) of any of the industrialized nations.

* Women are more likely to spend their income on their children and the household, whereas men are more likely to be prudent about investing.  Women ARE the consumers in our culture. Something like 80% of goods bought are bought by women. That's all fine, but we have to get better at saving and thinking of our future - afterall, as I've said before in this blog, all those shoes in our closet won't feed or house us in retirement.

Two questions for you to Consider:  What do you think it will take for us women to be both "nice" and powerful with our money? What would happen if you stopped being so concerned about whether others see you as "nice" and focused more on making and keeping more of your money? 

Women - Get Your Money House In Order

Money is power and women are taught to be nice, not powerful. Really. Think about that. From the time we're little girls we're taught to think about others and to override our own feelings for the sake of someone else's. Boys are taught to win and compete and they feel very comfortable with that. Personally, I believe we women can be powerful AND nice.

In order to get your Money House in Order first identify one or two mistakes you've been making with money. Here are a few to pick from. Try to be objective and don't blame yourself. The powerful stance is to take responsibility, learn from our mistakes and make new decisions to take new action this coming year.

Mistakes Women Make with Money:

1) Spend Unconsciously: Piddle money away on things like Starbucks, another pair of shoes, fast food.

Money House in Order Power Tip:  Get a small notebook or on a SmartPhone use the Note function and track every single expenditure over the next 30 days. Eye-opening. 

2) Take Care of Others Before Take Care of Self Financially: How many times have you (to be nice) given money to your adult children, boyfriends, partners, parents, people in need rather than save more of it for your future?  

Money House in Order Power Tip: Consider that most women don't have enough money to live comfortably in retirement, especially single women. Give, but give consciously and sometimes giving to adult children is financial enabling and hurts rather than truly helps.  

3) Overspend or Overshop to Cope with Anxiety, Stress or Just Because:  Women waste so much money on things they don't need. "A need is replacing something that's worn out. A want is everything else." ( Peggy Gardiner, Professional Organizer)  It's fun to shop. I get it. But, stay conscious of the immediate pleasure vs. how your money needs to work for you over the long term.

Money House in Order Power Tip: If you tend to shop when feeling anxious or stressed take a PAUSE to think rather than shop out of habit. During this pause take 10 breaths.  Ask yourself - what do I really need? Time, relaxation, listening to, fun, pleasure?  What are other ways I can satisfiy this? How much can I really afford to spend? What's the most powerful thing I can do with this money?  

Here's to you getting your money house in order and as a result feeling and being more powerful with your financial choices.  Remember, you can be nice and powerful.  

Big Girl ACTION: 

1)  For fun, take the Money Type Quiz to find out whether you’re a Warrior Money Type – focused and disciplined or possibly a Fool – happy-go-lucky, not necessarily good at paying the bills.  Lynn offers a FREE 15 minute results phone consult. 

The Financial Responsibility of the 99%: Time to Put Your Big Boy & Girl Money Pants On!

There is a shared responsibility for the financial condition of the world. The 1% need to share their money more equitably. The 99% need to educate themselves about money and take their power back, or perhaps develop a sense of financial power for the first time. There’s something I realized this year and that’s how ignorant most of us are about our relationship with money. I came to this ah-ha while going through a five month training to become a Certified Money Coach.

Now that I can see more clearly, because my financial blinders have been partially removed, I get how little the collective us really understands about money. What does money really mean to you? Fill in this blank. To me money means________.*  Most people say freedom or security. I like to add FUN. As a therapist/coach/business owner I’ve been interested in making more money, and read at least 50 books about money – how to make it, and make more of it, keep it, save it and manage it.  But there's a deeper meaning to money that remains hidden for most of us.

The anger that the 99% feel toward the wealthy 1% can be a positive anger if it gets channeled in healthy ways. Yes, legislation that favors the 1% disproportionately needs to be changed. But, the 99% also need to take financial responsibility for their money ignorance and lack of power. We need to educate ourselves and there’s no excuse not to because the information is available. In the last ten years, not only do we have books available about the nuts & bolts of money (budgets, making more $$, etc), but most importantly how to change our emotional relationship with money. That’s where the real juice is.

I gave a presentation about Turning Financial Stress into Freedom to a group of multi-level marketers last week. It was really fun. These are folks that still believe in the American Dream and who are hard workers, and goal and success oriented. But, they will only be able to achieve their financial dreams if they understand and begin to transform their understanding of how they emotionally react and respond to money.

Here are 3 things I shared with them that may help you:

1) Raise your money consciousness by knowing how much money YOU need (not your parents, your spouse, your kids, your best friend) to make you happy. Write down that number________.

Research shows most believe that to be between $50-70K a year.

2) What is your earliest money memory?** __________ How does that memory affect your adult relationship with money today?

One woman at the talk shared that as a child she would ask her parents for money and they always gave it to her. Now, as a sales person she has no problem asking for the sale or the check.

3) How did your parents feel, talk about or behave with money? How do the thoughts, feelings & beliefs you developed in your family affect you today? "Your relationship with money is not just about money, it's about everything. Everything you eat, drink, fear & buy." David Krueger

*David Krueger The Secret Language of Money ** Deborah Price Money Magic

Financial Inequality & the 1% - Where Did All the Money Go?

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...," wrote Charles Dickens in the 1800s. The same could be said now. Apparently for the top 1% of America it's the best of times. One of my questions since the crash of 2008 has been "Where has all the money gone?" According to the Congressional Budget Office the top 1% of U.S. households almost tripled their after-tax income from 1979 to 2007. For us middle class folks, after-tax income grew 40% and the lower end of the economic scale increased also, but only by 18%.(Modesto Bee 10-27-11 Rich getting richer more quickly)

But let's wait a minute. Hasn't wealth in America (& the world) always been unequally distributed? Yes and let's start by looking at what the definition of 1% really consists of.  First, according to Joyce Apleby, emeritus professor of history at UCLA, there's income and there's wealth. To be a one-percenter you have to earn more than $700,000 a year (income) and have assets (wealth) of more than $9 million.

Ok, now we understand the basics of 1% economics. What's the economic truth for the rest of us? Have we middle class Americans been operating from an illusion that we could become rich? Yes and no. "From 1776 to the present, the bottom 60% of the U.S. population has never had more than 11% of the country's wealth." Hmm...Of course if you've done the math this 60% doesn't account for 39% of us.

Back to the question of, "Where did all the money go?" Well, well we know the banks got a lot of money. The investment bankers and hedge fund guys that is. But, I don't really think there's a simple answer to this question. We have a dream in America that hard work, luck and opportunity opens the door to fortune. That dream is a good one because it creates HOPE and in every generation the dream becomes true for a few. This "worst of times" economic recession is a wake-up call to look at the economic inequalities that have always been present, for the 99% to to keep the hope, the hard work and to hold the 1% accountable to a financially more equitable system for all.