Most couples find it easier to talk about sex than money. How about you? I'd say that was true for my husband and I for a good part of our 30 year marriage. That only changed when I looked at my money issues and began resolving them.
It's safe to say that almost everyone has unresolved money issues and they show up big-time in our couple relationships. Why? We don't talk about money - it pushes our buttons - the buttons our parents installed but are often under our conscious radar. We don't understand that what causes the stress about talking about money are those unexamined money buttons that create a pressure-cooker inside. And, as Deborah Price says, "...women respond to money with fear, and men with anger." (Money Magic - great book by the way). When my husband and I would try to talk about money, I'd dissolve into tears. Nothing got resolved.
According to Deborah Price, couples tend to have one of three patterns they operate out of. The traditional pattern is the most common where the husband takes the lead in financial decision making. Many working women still don't feel knowledgeable enough about money to ask for equal say. It's important to remember that women have only been in the workforce in larger numbers since the 70s so we're playing catch-up in terms of making and handling money. The other two patterns are contemporary where the couple make joint decisions and autonomous where each make their own money decisions separately and do not combine finances.
To understand your own couples money patterns ask yourself these questions:
- 1) How did your parents handle money? Were they open or secretive?
- 2) Did you grow up feeling money was abundant or scarce?
- 3) What money type best describes your mother? Your father? (Take the FREE Money Type Quiz at www.lynntelfordsahl.com - look for the Money Tree)
- 4) Was money a frequent source of conflict between your parents?
- 5) Did you often sense that either of your parents were worried or fearful about money? (Questions from Money Magic)
Be gentle with the information that comes from these questions and continue to educate yourself about your relationship with money. Our unexplored and unresolved money issues block our prosperity, financial well-being and happy relationships. An excellent resource is Deborah's book Money Magic.
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Certified Money & Business Coach, Professional Speaker & author, Lynn Telford-Sahl, writes the PowerUP Your Money blog for women in sales and small business. If you’re ready to PowerUP your Money, your Business & your JOY get your FREE Strategy Session with Lynn at www.joywithmoney.com 209 492-8745